some random thoughts.

WELL. i just wrote a whole bunch and then when i tried to publish it, the screen froze and now here i am again...pissed. i've come to realize that i depend on technology so much, but in the end it just lets me down sometimes.HA.

i can't even believe that it's almost thanksgiving and soon christmas will be here. where has this year gone?!? i'm awaiting my application to goshen and in the meantime i'm still enjoying life as a baker...my love for it has grown so much in the past few months that i have a feeling it will be hard to go back to school next fall. but at the same time i miss the college life. last weekend i was at goshen for a concert and after seeing good friends and being surrounded by the life of goshen i felt homesick for my college life. i miss not paying bills or having to get up early on saturday mornings. i miss having people, my age, just a few feet away or going on random, exciting outings late at night. i miss having not to think about my next meal and what i should buy or what i should eat. though i know in college that sometimes happens. i even miss homework..well i shouldn't go THAT far. ;) the real world is fun and not having homework or exams IS a nice feeling. but missing out on the social life can be a setback. but just think, next year i'll be able to make some really kickass cakes for people :)

why i love this job.

on friday i got my first big challenge at work. i was given 5 different cakes to completely decorate and have boxed by 6 pm. my challenge was to get them all done in 5 hrs and have them all look like the "pastry diva" image. it was then that i experience the pressure of cake decorating. everytime i watch my boss, i get almost cocky. i tell my self, " that is so easy, i can definitely do that". but on friday i realized how hard it really is. and boy, was i stressing. i didn't have the easy button to push, i had to get through it as well as have my boss give me advice and some criticism along the way. which i needed. one cake took 2 hrs. i had to make sure my hand was steady, my lines were straight. am i decorating on the right cake? are you sure its light blue and not pale blue? did i put that square on straight? needless to say i did get all the cakes done, with some time to spare. ofcourse i cleaned in that spare time :). but i think the best part of all the frustation, and stress filled day was that there was this energy that came inside of me. i was on this natural high all night. and on saturday when the people came to pick up their cakes that i had worked on, all that hard work paid off. their faces lit up and the excitement from their voices told me that what i had done, would probably makes some little kid's birthday day even better. i think that is what i love about my job. durning the week, i am stressed out, tired, and scrambling to get my list completed. but at the end of the week it pays off in a huge way. to know that i just made someone's day with a simple yet beautiful cake is a wonderful feeling. and i love getting that feeling every week :)

this is what i know.

every day when i come home from work, peggy always asks me " what do you know?". the first few times i had to think about what she said because i had never heard something like that. but now, i just ramble off things from work and what all went on through out my day. its becoming a great thing for me because i know that she'll just laugh it off and i always seem to feel a bit better after telling someone the stresses of my day. today i began thinking of all things things i've learned and gotten to know since i've been here. so here is what i know:
:: when you go to culinary school, you are not allowed to wear nail polish::
:: if you are a single female, people will automatically assume that you need to be set up with every single male::
:: there is a little bit of craziness in everyone, you just have to inbrace it::
:: you have to be crazy to be a pastry chef ::
:: high school kids can be cool ::
:: high school talent shows are still awkward and cheesey::
:: i have amazing friends that i miss very much ::
:: every one makes mistakes, some bigger than others ::
:: dogs eat will eat ANYTHING. including trash ::
:: life is full of awkward moments ::
:: sometimes you just have to breath and let it go ::
:: other times you just have to scream ::
:: random days at work are the most fun :: :)

this and that.

do you ever remember things that happened exactly a year ago? ---
this past weekend was halloween and a year ago i was in hesston watching scary horror movies in my room with a boyfriend.(not the best halloween ever) and a few days after that i attened meda in toronto and broke up with that boy. fast forward a year and i'm here in kokomo the day after a halloween party with my boss from work and her friends. i was nervous, but in the end had a great time, and enjoyed myself. that party though, reminded me of that ex-boyfriend and why i will never date anyone of that nature again. after that i ended up going over to my boss's good friend's house and talking for a good hour. he was nice and his dog was crazy( let's call him dog boy).haha. it was weird though, for some reason i couldn't get away from the past. i couldn't get this certian boy out of my head. here i was talking about everything and anything and all i could think about was this boy. why?!? dog boy was funny and great to talk with but my mind was on the past. why is he still in my head?

when i woke up this morning i started thinking how much deja vu can be so real sometimes and how things that happened a year ago can come back and hunt you again. weird.