Disclaimer.

I just want to let everyone know that the cakes you see on Facebook or what I show you are done by both my AMAZING boss Andrea and myself. All of the wedding cakes that you've seen have been completed by Andrea and at points I have done certain tiers or have assisted in helping with the cake. Other misc. cakes have been mostly done myself unless otherwise noted. I am learning so much this year and have accomplished so much in over a year of cake making and decorating. 

Also, until I am older and or out of college making a wedding cake for anyone is much harder than one would think. I don't have a professional kitchen or all the proper utensils and pans. Which means your cost will be higher since I'll be buying more products to make a wedding cake. And I'll probably turn down your offer. Unless you a REALLY REALLY good friend and I WANT to make your cake for you. :)

Really, I'm not trying to be rude or mean, but I really hope that I haven't confused anyone over the pass year. And I don't want to write this on Facebook so this blog is getting my little rant. :)

FIVE.

Starting today I only have five more weeks of work. FIVE!!! I seriously don't know where this year has gone, and I have a feeling these next five weeks are going to go really slow in my mind, but in reality I know that it will just speed on by. As of now the next four weekends I have something going on so that will be nice. I still don't know how I feel about leaving this job. Of course I'm excited for Goshen, but it will be weird not going to work every day and seeing Andrea and the rest of the girls. 

In other news, I got back from Little Eden this past weekend and it was so nice to get away from Indiana and relax. Though the whole week was rainy and cold it doesn't stop me from enjoying the best place ever. :) Alot of Hesston people were working up there as staff this summer so it was great to catch up with people. I also scheduled my classes for this next year, which I am SUPER excited about. I'll be taking all art classes along with elementary spanish( emphasis on elementary) a bible course and some business courses. I'm happy though that all my gen. eds are out of the way and that I can focus on the things I enjoy. It's a nice thing knowing what next year will look like. Even better knowing that since I'll be going to Peru for SST the fall of my senior year, I'll still be able to get done in two years!! woot woot!  

So for now I'm trying to focus all my energy into these last few weeks and hoping that all goes smoothly. I can't wait to see everyone again!! 

solving the worlds problems..or at least our own.

Well, I made it through hump day. And this week we only have 64 cakes!!!! That, my friends is a good thing. Compared to the past two weeks, this week is actually fun. We are still busy, but there is now time to laugh, talk some and still get everything done and be out before dark. We have five weddings this weekend so I should be able to get more cake pictures. I'm figuring by the end of the summer I'll have a whole book of the pictures I've taken this year. What I am really enjoying about this week is that we as a staff are all able to laugh and have a great time together. It's awesome how we all click and get along so well. We feed off of each others humor which makes our day quite enjoyable. I'm sure some people would think that these four girls working together and acting quite crazy would be a little weird. But I know we don't care. This summer is SO much better than the last. 

Another thing that I love is the one on one time I get with my boss. Tonight the two of us stayed late to finish icing all the cakes. Even while working, we cover everything under the sun. Tonight, I basically unloaded all of my problems and stresses of boys, friends, next year, goshen, and life on her. And she does the same to me. Kinda like therapy, but with cake. haha. Sometimes we say too much, but for me it helps so much. To me she is like the big sister that I never had. And I can tell her anything and she'll come up with solutions to my problems or how I should respond to a email or something a friend said. It probably sounds weird, but I think its great that my boss is not only my boss, but a mentor and a great friend. I'm going to miss the weekly talks next year. Some days we tell people that we've been solving the worlds problems, just because we talk about so much in one day. :) 

Well. I hope that your summers are off to a great start. Bethany, I hope that you have a great time in England and Kara, I hope that your first week of campers went well! Can't wait to see all of you again! 

close your eyes and dream.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. right now its 10:53 and i just got home from working 13 hrs today. along with 12 yesterday. and another 12-13 tomorrow and friday. and right now i'm wondering if i REALLY want to do this job for the rest of my life. i was about in tears tonight on the way home, partly because i'm exhausted partly because i know i have to do it all again tomorrow. the worst part is, is that I'm not even close to putting in the hours my boss has for this week. she's been there 7 am to whenever we are done the past three days and will continue for the next week and half until this is all over. and what gets me is that even though we can all bitch at each other and have a bad attitude she continues to pull through and make things happen. and i think to myself, can i really do this? and will i be able to? i know that I'm only 20 and that she has way more experience on me, but still do i have it in me? after a night like this one, i tend to think i might be more suited being a secretary or a school teacher. but then again, i would die of boredom from sitting at desk all day, and i don't work very well with kids. So i guess cakes are in my favor. ha. 

oohhhh boy. I'm glad this day is over. wednesdays are just horrible. BUT we got some 90+ plus cakes all iced and ready to go for tomorrow, including 20 some already decorated and ready for boxing. So, it looks like we are going to be ok after all. soon, this week will be over and then i get to look forward to next week where we have 9 weddings. oh yes. 

wednesdays.

yesterday our college girls came back to work for the summer. which means that summer and the graduation/wedding season has really begun. and we are getting busier every week. this week isn't so bad, as in we only have twenty some cakes and just one wedding. but having "new" people working just adds an extra kick to the whole day. i love working with these girls and I'm excited for the summer. but i've realized that i also have really enjoyed the time where its just been andrea and i working together. where we have amazing conversations about anything and everything and i get one on one time which REALLY helps my cake decorating skills. so i guess its just a mixed feeling this week and it will probably get some taking use to. i've also begun to realize just how crazy busy summers can be for us!!! last summer when i started i had NO idea what busy was. all i knew was that i was going to help out and well i knew nothing. period. 

but now, i'm my boss's right hand gal. i know almost everything and a little more about the shop and my skill has improved 1oo percent over the last year. so i guess this summer i can now see and understand what busy is. and let me tell you. 

WE.ARE.BUSY. 

and wednesdays are going to be the worst day of the week. not only do we do most of the baking on wednesdays, which means the ovens are constantly running it also means that there are more people working, less space to move and its summer. so its HOT. today i was dying by lunch time, so i had the fan on me most of the afternoon, and its just the beginning of may. oh boy. wednesdays are also the day when my boss and i will do 99.9 % of all the icing of the cakes. that, my friends, is quite the chore. last week my boss told me that while we're busy this week its going to be nothing compared to the week of june 6 where we'll have 8 weddings, countless graduations cakes and any other misc. cakes. which to my knowledge is more than 60+ cakes that will need to be iced by thursday noon.( at the latest). i don't even know what to think about that. haha. but in my mind i'm ready. bring it on wednesday. because i've had this whole year to practice and i'm ready to give it all i've got. so i guess in a way this summer and every wednesday durning this time will be my final exam. and i know that i'll pass with flying colors. :) i can't wait.

The bathroom

Most people wouldn't know this about me, but i have a terrible fear of using the toilet in other places besides my own house. weird, i know. more specifically if i have to do no. 2 i will hold it till i get home. so you can imagine my fear when "nature calls" at work or a Peggy and Clint's house. it took me a good month just to feel comfortable here at their house. i use to only poop when they left for work and i was here by myself. ha. and at work my boss makes fun of me because i will NEVER go during the day. I'm sure there are many people out there that say holding it for too long is bad, but i don't care. I'm not craping when people are around. i've heard too many stories about huge shits clogging the toilet and i have a few of my own, so in my mind i would be extremely embarrassed if i ever had to say " excuse me, but i just took a massive crap and i need to use your plunger." YIKES. right now your probably thinking  TMI.TMI!!!! but how else would one explain this fear?! 

 Today i even called my mom, after realizing that the water in the bowl was NOT going down and not wanting to face the plunger i held it until i knew for sure that everything was going down fine. no way was i going to drive 5 miles to the nearest mijers and use the public restroom. i finally used it and to my relief everything was fine. Thank God. 

So if you ever wonder why i can hold it like a camel on long road-trips or see me running to the door when i get home, you'll know why :)

i just want to feel again.

so this week is going to be full of fun things. on thursday anna and jill are coming out and as i just found out tonight they are staying til saturday!!! well at least i think thats the plan :) and then saturday afternoon kara is coming down for the weekend. i'm excited to see some good friends again. the only thing is that i have no idea where they're going to sleep. haha. because until sunday haans is staying with peggy and clint as well!. let's just say its going to be quite the houseful. its bad enough just sharing on bedroom between the two of us.  imagine three girls and this old dude in one bathroom. hmmmm...hopefully it all works out. hopefully.

i'm in need of a good week like this. today was just shitty. i talked to my mom about being distant from God. and falling away from prayer. it was hard and its really been a hard year for me dealing with this issue. so it felt good to let my mom know what was going on, but at the same time it hasn't changed anything and i'm still dealing with it inside of me. i still believe in God and all the good that he can do, but a feeling of closeness to him and knowing that prayer does work isn't there for me. its been hard this year to hear how God is working so much in other people's lives and how much he answers their prayers, and yet i don't feel that. and thats something that i've been missing. i want, i need God in my life, but i don't know where or how to start. people say by prayer. to pray to God to be in your life. and i do. but why haven't i seen it? why can't i feel it working? its like the magic isn't there anymore for me. the excitement went away. and i'm left feeling empty. i need to be filled again. i want to feel again. so tonight i pray that God will let me know he is there with me and not to worry. i pray that i will feel the excitement again!

[insert feeling here]

yesterday i finally got my new computer, a macbook pro!! and i am loving my new "freedom" that i have. its not like i never had a computer the past 9 months. but the everyday using of someone else's computer just started bugging the crap out of me. i hated the fact that it was never my own and i always had to use it when no one was there because i just felt horrible if peggy or clint where home and i was there just looking at pictures on facebook. but now, i can do anything i want on this mac. and I LOVE IT. now i just have a huge hole in my bank account. ha. 

i also said goodbye to mike yesterday until i see him again in august. i know i know, it sounds stupid saying goodbye and making a big deal out of it, when i'm just going to see him again soon. but he really has become on of my really good friends this past year and i'm going to miss going to goshen and catching up with him. i have a feeling though its going to be like this as life goes on. i'll have to say goodbye to good friends, people i love. and who knows when i'll see them again. i've done it before, saying goodbye to bethany, audra, and megan. knowing that it will be a good year or so before i see them. i'm so ready to see my friends again. i'm ready to say hello instead of goodbye.

pastry diva venting

ok. so this post is all about me venting about the insane people that i have to deal with when they come into the bakery. most of the time i love working up front with people, helping them decide on their perfect cake. BUT there are those just crazy, stupid people that i just want to scream at.

they say the craziest things. example: " i would gain300 lbs. if i worked here!!" " why aren't YOU 400 lbs?!?" " this would be the best job EVER!!!". " do you watch ace of cakes? cause i love that show."... to that i reply. " you would gain 300 lbs because you have NO SELF CONTROL!!. " i am not 400 lbs. because i have the will power to not eat everything in sight." " yes i watch that show,i think its stupid and no i will not talk to you about it." and even though i do love my job there are perks and cons to every job just like this one. :whew:

sometimes i don't think people understand the life of a pastry chef. all the trial and error that we do every week. worrying about what people think of our product. if they like the look and the taste. did we say the right thing. people assume that we just sit on our butts all day and eat cake. WELL. i will be the first to tell you that the only time i'm sitting is to eat my lunch. and though i am surrounded by cake all day it gets old after awhile. infact i really don't eat much cake or cookies anymore. i don't crave cake like everyone else. for me i crave a huge steak with potatoes and a salad. haha. i have a sweet tooth for sure. but i know how to control it. thats the most important thing. self control.

well. i'm glad thats out of me now :)

ben folds equals love on the piano.

mmm..so i think today is going to be one lazy sunday afternoon where i do nothing at all. this past week we were really busy at work which was a great thing since the weeks go by so much faster when i'm doing something. PLUS. my boss gave a little spring bonus.NICE. so right now i'm wearing my brand new nike tennis shoes. oh yes.

yesterday was quite the day. mike came down and we went to a ben folds concert in indy. it was an amazing time. but i wish we just had more time. last night we didn't sleep much because we were trying to figure out if it would work for us to date each other. i hate hate hate this complicated relationships. i had finally decided to just keep my mouth shut, but then he started the converstation. so i guess now we know we both like each other, but the timing just isn't right. its hard because last night we both just wanted to move foward and become something, but trying to make a relationship work now just would not be good. so for now we are still and will be just good friends like we've always been. which i'm fine with. i actually am glad that i wont have to deal with a relationship this summer. but why am i feeling such a ache in my heart right now? being with him just feels right.

no pressure. just don't screw up.

first. its already march!!!! where is this time going?!? i seriously can not believe that i've already been in kokomo for almost a year now. anyways...

so life has been flying by and i figured i'd get a few things out of my head while i can. february was a month of travling:
a few weeks ago my family went to cancun for a wonderful vacation and it sure gave me the vacaction bug. i loved the time in the sun and just relaxing and exploring new things. everytime my family does something we always go around and ask what our favorite parts were. for me it was definitely the bus rides into the city. what a way to see a different world. i love feeling like i'm not some crazy, rich, sun-bathed tourist. i would also have to say that eating amazing mexican and italian food was a big highlight. :)

from cancun we then went to kansas for a weekend. my grandma had passed away on valentines day so last weekend the whole family got together in hesston for her memorial. it was such a bittersweet weekend, yet exhausting. to get away from it all i made a few trips to the college to see some friends in which i realized how early i go to bed now. but it was so good to see everyone.

and now its march! this weekend i'll be in control of the entire shop!!! my boss and her husband are going on vacation and so from thursday to saturday i'll be on my own. i've done it before but this weekend i'll actually have projects to complete. this evening i had my own little freak out moment along with this horrible " i'm going to barf up my stomach" feeling. no pressure right?. i know i can do it. i know the projects and i know that everything will be ok. but everytime i just can't get over it. i wish i could just let it go. but i know that i'll probably be dealing with this stress as life goes on. and i think thats a good thing. to me i see it as a way of knowing that i care and that i want to do the best at what i do for a living. does that make sense. ? haha.

well. i'm tired. its 8:00 and i think i'm going to go to bed. goodnight.

mondays...

mondays can quite possibly the worst day of the week. sometimes they are a good first day, but mostly its never just right. take example yesterday:

::For the past 20 years i have never had a cavity. never. i was quite amazed at the fact partly because i love a good sweet something and while i do brush like any other person i wasn't always the perfect dental customer. well that has changed. yesterday i found out i got my first cavity. !!!!!!!! as well they told me i grind my teeth away at night. who knew? so bad that i have these indentations on the back of my front teeth. gross. so know i'm wearing a mouth guard at night and in just a few weeks i'll have this wretched little thing lasered away. no drill or shot. thank goodness. yesterday i was having a little panic attack in the chair knowing the fact that i possibly might be drilled on. the fear of needles just really gets to me. whew.

the good news is that next time i'll go to the dentist for a checkup i'll be back on my parents insurance plan!! woot woot. knowing that makes it so much better. these payments really take a jab at the bank account. so i guess there is some good to stay in college.haha. which, by the way, i am totally pumped about. i can not wait to be back in school. i love love LOVE my job. but i do love not paying bills and having a social life :)

just a little bit of life.

well its finally snowing. after all this freezing cold wind and ice i'm glad there is some white on the ground. it makes up for the cold. i think that these first two months of the year are just horrible. you can't be outside unless your a marshmallow and driving just sucks. i can't wait til spring!!! today i also get to take my car in to the shop for the second time...i'm not a fan of paying alot of money to fix my car. aka. i hate growing up and having to be responsible for things. at least work will be easy this week. as of last saturday we had ZERO orders. needless to say, we weren't going to do much this week. so i get to come in at 12 everday and stay til 6. not to bad, but these days get so LONG. yesterday we finally got some orders so it looks like my boss and i won't be able to just sit on our butts all week. :) i could never do a nine to five cubical job. it would seriously just kill me. but i guess every job has their down weeks. i'm just happy that i have a job with everything that is going on this year. i think its because that everyone needs cake for something. right? :)

blushing brides

today i went to my first of probably many bridal shows. it was a chance for my boss and i to scope out the other cake decoraters. i can honestly say i had no idea what to expect. when we got there we were among the hundreds of soon to be brides all with their moms, event planners, and close friends. OH and their coach bags( we happened to be in the nice part of indy).. haha. the plan was to sneak by and walk in without having to stop and register. WELL. that plan was out since i was the lucky one to be the bride. so i registered as kimberly friesen who is getting married in august of 2010 and my finace..well we won't say who that was. ha. i then got a little goody bag of assorted bridal info and a sticker that said
" blushing bride: kimberly" .
so the whole time i got to walk around telling people about my " future wedding" ...it was quite the sight to see. people crammed in this little place wanting the perfect dress, diamonds, flowers and dj's. my boss and i went straight for the cakes and after 3 tastings we knew that we had the best damn cake around :). i now know that when ever i get engaged i'm defintely planning my own wedding and making my own cake and i wont stress out about the stupid trends that every bride is having. though it was fun having people think i was a newly engaged gal and i think in the next month i'll be getting some bridal magazine that i supposely signed up for. sweet.