i just want to feel again.

so this week is going to be full of fun things. on thursday anna and jill are coming out and as i just found out tonight they are staying til saturday!!! well at least i think thats the plan :) and then saturday afternoon kara is coming down for the weekend. i'm excited to see some good friends again. the only thing is that i have no idea where they're going to sleep. haha. because until sunday haans is staying with peggy and clint as well!. let's just say its going to be quite the houseful. its bad enough just sharing on bedroom between the two of us.  imagine three girls and this old dude in one bathroom. hmmmm...hopefully it all works out. hopefully.

i'm in need of a good week like this. today was just shitty. i talked to my mom about being distant from God. and falling away from prayer. it was hard and its really been a hard year for me dealing with this issue. so it felt good to let my mom know what was going on, but at the same time it hasn't changed anything and i'm still dealing with it inside of me. i still believe in God and all the good that he can do, but a feeling of closeness to him and knowing that prayer does work isn't there for me. its been hard this year to hear how God is working so much in other people's lives and how much he answers their prayers, and yet i don't feel that. and thats something that i've been missing. i want, i need God in my life, but i don't know where or how to start. people say by prayer. to pray to God to be in your life. and i do. but why haven't i seen it? why can't i feel it working? its like the magic isn't there anymore for me. the excitement went away. and i'm left feeling empty. i need to be filled again. i want to feel again. so tonight i pray that God will let me know he is there with me and not to worry. i pray that i will feel the excitement again!